The time has come for another installment of Weird and Wacky Signs Around the World. The people demanded it and so, after much deliberation, we had to deliver. We held out as long as we could but the onslaught of requests was too much to bear. Not to mention the endless trove of inane pictograms and stick figures in peril from the four corners of the globe in dire need of annotation.
The signs in question may incite derision and laughter but again, these articles are as much public service announcement as comic relief. Readers of past installments have escaped the devious thievery of the Silver Surfer on a remote Thai beach, knew better than to pack heat in a Skopje strip mall and avoided serious seesaw disfigurement in the streets of Manhattan.
So we implore you. Enjoy these signs as kitsch but beware the lethal message they brandish.
With that out of the way, time to get wacky. Sign wacky.
Safety Precaution on the USS Midway, San Diego, California
This is an actual sign from a U.S. military sub. You have to admit, the optimism of the U.S. government is adorable. Not only do they exhort personnel not to stare into the proverbial atomic bomb blast - because really, who could avoid the temptation? - they actually have a post-bomb plan in place. Unfortunately for the poor souls who just braved the impact of this atomic bomb, the plan does not include Jack Daniel’s and Marlboros.
We remember well in our youth the prevalence of Polish jokes in the schoolyard. For some reason, which we have yet to discern, Poles were the target of much ridicule back in the day. We thought better times were ahead for the perception of Polish culture in the outside world. It seems however, that they want us to mock them anew, what with this weird road sign. What is the message here? Feel free to mow down handless high-stepping giants with your Lada?
Beach Sign in Santa Cruz, California
We knew California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was a bit of taskmaster, but this is ridiculous. What is the point of going to Santa Cruz if you can’t launch your boat into the ocean with a martini in one hand, a beer in the other and a cigar in your mouth, while you pitch a tent over an open fire and shag some flies? Really.
Are we to infer from this sign that a blind boy with a mild form of gigantism or elephantitis and a hand welded to a lunchbox has none other than the Grim Reaper as a personal crossing guard? Because if so, we may never visit Ireland again. At the very least not any neighbourhoods with a school zone.
Chalk this one under “lawsuit filed, judgement rendered in favour of the plaintiff, sign erected”. How else to explain this overcautious caveat? Does this not apply to all trees? Last we checked, tree branches are susceptible to break and fall from time to time. It’s called lightning and gravity. Look into it. Besides, what kind of tool would pull over to the side of the road, disembark from his motor vehicle and stand under a large tree with creaky limbs?
Overheard recently in Portland, where marijuana consumption has apparently had a detrimental effect on bicyclists and their ability to navigate simple obstacles.
“Oh no, I just ran my bicycle wheel-first into a tram track groove and got thrown over the handlebars. I now lie here thoroughly concussed as a tram rushes toward me. Blast. Good thing my helmet is on.”
Really now. Is this sign a valuable use of taxpayer money?
How considerate of the Danish to erect this sign to warn women in heels of the inherent dangers of cobblestone. It makes one wonder though. How weak are the ankles of Danish women that they need this sign in the first place? Ever hear of Pilates? Or is it just that the cobblestone in Denmark is particularly hearty? Whatever the case, someone important with a fetish for stilettos must have been put in the hospital while on a leisurely stoll.
Who is the state of Hawaii to tell us what we can and cannot do to monk seals? Just for argument’s sake, let’s analyze the name “monk seal”. It starts with monk. Well, what is more solemn and content than a pious monk? Sure, they may not be that approachable if on a vow of silence but overall, monks are cool people. People you can approach. Then you have the seal part. We thought seals were cute, cuddly and for the most part, pretty helpless and defenseless. Isn’t that why Brigitte Bardot is always whining about Canadians clubbing them? Hey, facts are facts. Next time we go to Hawaii, not only are we going to approach, we’re also going to pet some monk seals, so help us God.
What is the purpose of this sign really? Do we need a sign to graphically illustrate just how much damage a moose can do to a car? Are people so dense that they would slam their vehicle into an animal that large? You never see moose roadkill in Canada. Raccoons, skunks and squirrels, sure, but never moose. Beavers on occasion, although Canadians face long prison terms if caught with one in the grill of their vehicle. The moose though, generally survive the collision. Not as well as the bull in the sign mind you. Either that is one exceptional moose or that vehicle is a Smart car.
This type of sign is never unfunny. The way we see it and granted, our logic may be fractured, if conditions are this hazardous and the mountain that steep (what is that, a 1 degree gradient?), why not ditch the sign and erect an impenetrable barrier? Because just a casual glance at this sign from the chairlift would send us into a panic attack down the mountain to our probable death.
First of all, what asinine human being drove the city of Cardiff to warn people not to dive or swim from a bridge? Is that even necessary in this day and age? Now, with that out of the way, why on earth is that stick man about to take a heinous spill in his own excrement? Come on now, that black stain looks more like a fluid fecal evacuation than any other image we can think of. And good God, look how much there is of it. What do they eat in Wales anyway?
This Chinese superiority complex has gone too far. We know the country is on the brink of Superpower status but do they really think we need instructions on how to use a toilet?
Then again, maybe this sign was made for the Welsh.
If you missed out on our previous posts on strange signs, check Wacky signs part II and Wacky signs part I.
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