It seems our prior attempt to enlighten people on the mad world of foreign signs found a receptive audience. Benevolent as it was, some found cause to ridicule the architects of these bizarre and blunderous signs. We can assure however, with utmost sincerity, that it was our express purpose to simply warn and provide notice that whilst abroad, one should beware of odd signs and take precautionary measures not to offend locals, breach applicable statutes, laws against nature or incur any heinous lacerations or wounds of any sort.
The world is a dangerous place. This piece and its precursor on the weird and wacky world of foreign signs are just a public service to globetrotters, nothing more. For example, many of you now know the dire consequences of reptile violation in the state of Florida. Others will now steer clear of certain mountain ranges in Bavaria where personal gratification reaches alarming heights. And certainly, female vehicular passengers in India now appreciate the beauty of the silent treatment.
This is all in the interest of public safety. Our aims are completely altruistic. If in the process we happen to amuse, entertain, poke fun or even rip the designers of these signs a new one, trust us, it’s entirely by accident.
With that bit of business out of the way, let’s enjoy 12 more truly idiotic signs.
The sign below is express proof that times are indeed tough for the superhero set. Because we can trust that the facial depiction is accurate - police sketch artists are seldom false - we can correctly surmise that the Silver Surfer, of Marvel Comics fame, has resorted to a life of shameless beach thievery in order to support his lavish lifestyle. A surfboard made of silver? Please. That must cost a mint to clean, polish and maintain.
I have a good friend who for some reason or another, never quite made it to the deep end of the pool. His parents were the overprotective type and had this unusual aversion to violent, choppy waves and platform dives. As a result, my poor freakish friend would tag along and languish in the shallow end with flotation devices on his arms while we had a blast being normal and cool. I remember a group vacation in Santorini, Greece where several of us swam out far, far into the Adriatic and all the miserable sap could do was sit on the black sand and watch helplessly.
Can you imagine then, how confused and ruined his day would be if he chose to visit the beach below?
This sign is evidence that Macedonia is a nation of killjoys. Why would legislators in this quaint Baltic state want to destroy our buzz? I mean, if decent folk cannot lawfully stroll the streets of Skopje with their firearm of choice in tow, well, certainly the Apocalypse is close at hand.
This is a sign at a mall. But think about it. How can you fully enjoy a clearance sale on denim at H&M without a Kalashnikov slung over your shoulder? Really. What kind of country would bar citizens with automatic weapons from malls? Macedonia. That’s what kind of country.
Where is PETA when you need them? The blatant show of anti-snail sentiment below has become all too pervasive in the former Yugoslavia, particularly Serbia. The Serbs have a distaste for these docile creatures that borders on the maniacal. We made some investigations in order to unearth the cultural roots of this gastropod-hate. The mollusk, it seems, has been much-maligned for what one Serb authority called “brazen apathy”.
Well maybe he didn’t quite put it that way. In fact, the Serb we spoke to mostly yelled and gesticulated violently. But what came out of the frightening exchange was this: Serbia hates snails.
Road Sign in Queensland, Australia
We knew Australia was a progressive nation. What contact we have had with backpackers from Down Under has proven time and again that marijuana is a substance they enjoy, often in scary and copious amounts. And certainly, a nation so in love with yeast extract spreads must be under the influence of psychoactive drugs. But despite these blatant signs, the one below was cause for some alarm … and envy.
Sidewalk Sign in New York City
There are so many reasons to be curious about the sign below. First of all, why is it even there or necessary at all? Secondly, if it is in fact a way to draw attention to the existence of a nearby seesaw, what brilliant mind came up with the idea to erect a popular children’s playground apparatus in the middle of Manhattan traffic?
German drivers hate limits on speed. This fact plays some part in our theory about the mystery sign below. The sign is either legible only at Mach V, about regulation speed on the Autobahn, or the amorphous blob within the yellow diamond represents what happens to people who get in the way of German drivers.
Road Sign in Washington State, United States
The West Coast of the United States and Canada is different from everywhere else. What we know for sure is that residents like to hug trees, eat a lot of granola, listen to The Grateful Dead and for some odd reason, wear socks with sandals. This scares us.
What correlation this all has with a Hula Hoop crosswalk sign in Washington State we have yet to discover. The fact that we have not seen anyone with a Hula Hoop since 1956 is even more cause for concern.
Highway Sign in the United States
We have yet to find out just where this sign is but our guess is that the person responsible is a rageaholic, underpaid civil servant with a ferocious prescription drug habit.
On second thought, we would much rather plunge our car into a river than slice our hand on a highway sign. We could get gangrene. And that’s just gross.
Dog Sign in British Columbia, Canada
Once again, Canadian comedy makes a strong push in our weird and wacky list. The creator of this sign in North Vancouver was obviously culled from the same humour petri dish as the brains behind Kids in the Hall and Saturday Night Live.
Well they must at least know each other, right? This is Canada after all.
All indications point to the fact that this sign resides somewhere in New Zealand, or quite possibly New Guinea. Now we would be loathe to insult the Maori people or any other Australasian tribe for that matter - our assumption is that the sign references some native form of transportation - but, well, this sign is just asinine.
Everybody knows that it takes on average eight people to hoist a canoe of this size, with tribal chieftan on top, and not the seven you see in this erroneous sign. It really pains us to see cultural misrepresentations like this.
Geography buffs know that Scandinavia is a perilous and precarious land. We have no doubt that a casual drive in the country could spell disaster if you read the directions “turn left at the fjord” the wrong way. But just how blind are Norwegian drivers that they require a sign such as this?
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April 1st, 2008 at 3:56 am
You must be one HELL of a swimmer if you jumped into the water off Santorini and swam all the way out into the Adriatic!!!
April 1st, 2008 at 2:42 pm
The hoola hoop sign originates from the band The String Cheese Incident. People at their shows, some of whom are “hoopers” bring their hoola hoops and hoop during the concert in rhythm to the music…it’s quite beautiful. In fact, they used to have an entire hooping section where all the hoopers hooped. And when they have hoops that light up really cool, it’s even that much better! So, when you see a sign that’s been hooped, you know that a Friend of Cheese is not far…
April 8th, 2008 at 3:35 am
I’m pretty decent in the pool Lee Marks … pretty decent indeed